There are many times in life that we get rejected, criticized, or feel disappointed, and we will feel it all at once. People feel small, maybe due to a lack of self-worth, or they may feel like they are ashamed, and these things can run and control your life if you do not learn to have some simple methods to deal with these feelings.
Using Distress Tolerance Skills When Feelings Peak
When your feelings are sky-high, you do not need perfect thinking. You need tools to ride the wave. This is where distress tolerance skills shine. They help you get through emotional storms without making things worse.
Consider trying:
- Pause Before You Act: If you get the impulse to shut down, send an angry long text, or quit something, just wait a few minutes.
- Alter Your Body State: If you are feeling a spike of emotions, you could step outside, go for a brisk walk, or even splash some cold water on your face.
- Ground Yourself: Take a look around and slowly identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Although these skills don’t eliminate the emotions you are feeling, they help you from acting impulsively. They may even prevent regrettable actions. They help keep you mentally afloat and in place until the emotional wave settles.
Turn Criticism Into Clear Information
Although a person may be rude and critical of you, there are still some who may even be “rough at first.” Learning to identify the different types of criticism can help you, even if it does seem overwhelming at first.
Here’s a quick guide for thinking about feedback:
- Who is saying it? Do they know you and care about your growth, or do they mean to be mean?
- What do they mean? Is it feedback with a constructive suggestion (Your report needs clearer headings’) or is it just an attack (You’re awful’)?
- How do you put it to use? Is there something you can do about it?
When feedback is specific and justified, you can see it as a roadmap rather than a value judgment. Do one small thing: revise a line in your resume, ask a question next time, or make it a goal to practice. Over time, it helps to internalize that criticism isn’t a slap; it is a pencil sign.
Handle Disappointment in Healthy Ways
Disappointment is a byproduct of the job you wanted slipping through your fingers, a friend of the plan B canceling the plan, or your effort going unrecognized. Feel sad. Let down.
What can you do?
- Name the feeling: “Disappointment hurts and it does make me sad”. Sometimes is just naming the feeling saves you a lot of the emotional turmoil.
- Do a small ritual for your sadness: Take an evening to dwell in it. Take a warm drink, a bath, listen to calm music, or go for a walk and do something that makes you feel better.
- Adjust the goal, not your value: You can change the plan (“I will apply to two more roles”) without labeling yourself a failure.
Disappointment is part of life, but it does not need to turn into shame or self-hate.
Be Nicer to Yourself
Harsh self-talk makes rejection, criticism, and disappointment cut even deeper. People often talk to themselves in a way they would not talk to anyone else. Instead, think of what you would say to your best friend if they were going through something difficult. Say that to yourself.
Protect Yourself With Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes the issue isn’t just one thing that happened, or even the way some people repeatedly treat you. You do not need to stay open to people who put you down in a joking way.
You can:
- Reduce the time you spend with people who make fun of you, and who put you down, in the way that they joke.
- Establish boundaries such as, “I’m open to constructive criticism, but I’m not open to insults,” or “Treat me with respect, or I’ll have to walk away.”
- Surround yourself with people who can give you honest feedback and who appreciate you as a person.
- Boundaries communicate that, “My feelings are important too.”
Life will say no sometimes. People will judge. Plans will fall apart.
Turning Pain Into Growth
You do not need to avoid these moments. You need tools to face them.
With practice, patience, and distress tolerance skills, you can stay steady when things get tough.
You bend, but you do not break.
And that makes all the difference.